Good-bye Little Lain

I found this poem online today and I wish to share it with you all.

I feel the need to get my feelings out and since I happen to be sitting in front of a computer, this is just how its gonna be.  So please bear with me...

I don't really know where to start.  My heart is so full and heavy; The conflict of emotions are nearly overwhelming. 

If you still don't know, Brian and I lost our little one.  I was 12 weeks, or 3 months, along.  I will spare you the details, but as if a miscarriage wasn't devistating enough...I came close to possibly losing my own life.  The amount of blood loss was staggering!  Praise God he sent me the right doctor, Dr. Simmons from Cornerstone Clinic.  God also did NOT see fit that it was my time to go.  It is such a humbling moment when you realize that God still has a purpose for you.  He spared my life.

I can't begin to express to you how much the prayers, visits, texts & phone calls have meant to us.  The outpouring of love from our family and friends has just cradled us in comfort and given us encouragement to face another day. 

I chose to name our baby Ruby.  I was a name that we had thought up early on and then changed.  The more I thought about it, the more fitting it became. 

1. ru·by  

   /ˈro͞obē/

   Noun A precious stone consisting of corundum in various shades of red. An intense purplish-red color.

We never knew the sex of the baby.  However, I had the undeniable feeling that it was a girl.  I think the name is perfectly fitting....  She IS precious.  She is precious to myself and her Daddy, as well as God.  He created her, and He knows her by name.  Red, the color of  Love.  She will FOREVER be loved and remembered in our hearts!

I never got to know you Ruby.  I'll never hold you, sing to you, quiet your cry, I won't get to see your smile.  If I were to dwell on these things dear child, I would never move on with my life.  Never knowing you could cause me to take a dark, lonely road.  But I want the memory of your life to honor God.  I want others to see how HE pulled us through this tragedy and that HE is the one true Healer. 

So you see, dear sweet girl, as you walk upon the streets of gold, please know that you will never be forgotten.  We love you right now just as much as we ever did and ever would have.  We will see you again one day.

Sending kisses your way,
Love Mommy.